7 Effective Tips for Stress Management

One of the resources I like to recommend to my clients is Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book, Burnout. Dr. Nagoski explains the difference between “stressors” and the “stress response cycle” to help readers better understand how to take care of themselves. A stressor refers to a specific thing that causes stress, like your toddler screaming at the dinner table. Once you soothe your little one, the stressor is gone, but the physiological reaction that occurred in your body in response to your toddler’s distress remains. This is the “stress response” and it persists even after the stressor has been addressed. Completing the stress response cycle requires intentional action. Dr. Nagoski identifies seven ways to manage stress:

1. Move Your Body

The most efficient way to complete the stress response cycle is to move your body. This doesn’t need to be an intensive lifting session at your gym - this could be hustling up and down your stairs at home or dancing around your living room - anything that gets your heart rate up and gets you breathing deeply. We experience stressful scenarios every day, so it is necessary to address that stress daily. When you exercise, your brain signals that you have dealt with the stress, which helps your body enter a state of calmness.

2. Breathing

Deep and slow breaths help you move out of the stress response. Focus on making your exhale long and slow so that your belly contracts. One of the best things about slow and intentional breathing is that it’s something we can rely on no matter the situation we are in. It’s a low-key way to regulate ourselves and can be done in 75 seconds. The tool of “box breathing” is an easy one to remember: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, repeat 4x. 

3. Positive Social Interaction

Making a conscious effort to engage in friendly interactions with strangers can help us remember that the world is full of good people and safe places. This can be as simple as making eye contact with your grocery store clerk and asking them how their day is going. The quality of our social interactions and community is one of the biggest contributing factors to our overall well-being. By engaging with others in a positive way, we not only improve our own mental health, but we also give a gift to the person we are interacting with.

4. Laughter

Take a moment to remember a time when you shared genuine and deep belly laughs with another person. Laughing together increases relationship satisfaction and bonding. This is a meaningful way to regulate our emotions and strengthen our social bonds. This is a meaningful way to regulate our emotions and connect with others. You can do this by watching a funny show together or reminiscing on a shared memory.

5. Affection

During our early years, from birth to young adulthood, we rely on our caregivers to help us manage and soothe our distressing emotions. This process is called “coregulation,” which means that we borrow some of our caregiver’s ability to regulate ourselves in order to find our own. For instance, when a crying baby is picked up and comforted by her father, she pays attention to his tone, facial expression, and touch, which helps her settle down and learn that everything is okay. As we grow older, we learn to co-regulate before we learn how to regulate ourselves. When we face difficult times as adults, we can rely on coregulating strategies from our loved ones. An example of this could be a meaningful hug that lasts for 20 seconds or a 6-second kiss. The exact time frame is less important than the physical state we are trying to achieve, which is a feeling of attunement, safety, and slowness. This serves as a reminder that the person we are with is safe and that we are loved and cared for.

6. Crying

Crying can be beneficial for your overall well-being as it helps to relax your muscles and relieve tension, allowing your body to return to a state of balance. Many individuals report feeling more clear-headed after crying, since it facilitates the release of pent-up emotions and stress, resulting in a state of catharsis.

7. Creative Expression

Sports, painting, sculpture, music, and storytelling all have one thing in common: they celebrate intense emotions. When people are actively grieving, they often turn to music or art to tap into an experience of “awe” and remind themselves that others have navigated similar emotional waters before. Instead of focusing on the end result, it’s important to focus on the process of creating. Use the creative process as a means of releasing stress from your body and see where it takes you.

TLDR: Managing stress and being present is a physical process, not an intellectual one. We have to move into action to regulate our bodies and emotions. There are 7 tips for effective stress management: physical movement, deep breathing, positive social interaction, laughter, affection, crying, and creative expression.

Are you interested in seeking therapy to help improve your stress management skills? If you are aware that stress is causing problems in your personal life or relationships, seeking therapy that focuses on stress responses and how to handle them effectively may be beneficial. As a licensed sex and relationship therapist based in Chicago, I take pleasure in assisting clients who are trying their best to navigate their stress and prioritize their relationships. Please do not hesitate to contact me to schedule an initial consultation and determine if we are a good fit for working together.

Resources: Nagoski, Emily, and Amelia Nagoski. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books, 2019.